considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
