They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
