I want to walk on stilts...naked
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
