After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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