Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
