He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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