this beer tastes like vomit already
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
