Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
