It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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