Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I came so hard my ears popped.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
