mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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