he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
