we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
