Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
