OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
