she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Girls should come with a carfax report
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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