I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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