On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
