AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
