new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
