Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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