Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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