woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
