dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
