I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
