I need help removing her.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
