Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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