best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
