Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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