with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
