Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize