I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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