it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
