erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
