if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
