YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
