I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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