This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
