So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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