mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
