glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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