hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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