Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
