We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
