I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
