The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
