Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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