If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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