it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
