okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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