Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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