your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
