apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
