:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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