Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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