**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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