Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
