NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
