these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
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