operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
