We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
