Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have already put on my inside pants.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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