okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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