Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
