dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
