so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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