the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
