Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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