3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize